Ah, Cleopatra. The name conjures images of the great queen reclining on her barge, the golden asp of destiny slithering upon her elegant arm. Now, indulge me, dear reader, in weaving a delightful tapestry bringing together ancient Egypt’s most famed ruler with one of our era’s most modern, yet often evanescent, marvels: social media. Yes, today we ponder, “What if Cleopatra had Instagram?”
A Beauty to Selfie For
We all remember Cleopatra, not just for her regal authority, but her unrivalled beauty - at least as the chroniclers tell it. It is said she knew how to make an entrance. In the world of social media, there could be no more stunning a debut than her profile picture set against the sunset behind the Sphinx or alongside a filter-enhanced asp (we’re not judging!) slithering artistically in the background, all crowned with hashtags like #QueenLife or #PharaohGoals. Surely, her selfies would capture even more hearts than her strategic marriages.
The Algorithm of Influence
Cleopatra's legendary charm and intelligence, combined with the cunning crafted diplomacy she was known for, would have naturally amplified her presence on the digital scene. Influencer deals? Perchance. But more saliently, consider the influence she would wield over hearts and minds. When you can get Caesar to cross Rubicons, and Antony to sever allegiances, controlling trending hashtags would be a mere morsel.
Pharaoh’s Fashion Forward
The threads of Cleopatra's realm were as much of gold as her Instagram feed would be. With Nile green as her Pantone of choice, she'd dominate both in the latest fashion and in exploring beauty tips from over 2000 years prior which, surprise surprise, might bring back kohl-lined eyes into vogue -- if it ever went away. Goodbye Kardashian contouring, hello Cleopatra contouring!
Stories from the Nile
Imagine if you will, Cleopatra utilising Instagram Stories to provide live updates on her river journey aboard her famous gilded royal barge. From screenshots of treaties being signed with Marc Antony to behind-the-scenes pyramids construction (can you say #ThrowbackThursday?), it'd be more spellbinding than a Netflix binge.
The Royal Hashtag Wars
It's not all fun and pyramid selfies, mind you. Twitter wars are child's play compared to the potential hashtag battles between Cleopatra and Octavian. Could she out-meme the future Augustus, perhaps with a satirically photogenic asp ready to strike if Rome didn't kneel to Alexandria? Or would they engage in a classic "like and subscribe" masquerade across the Mediterranean?
Heartbreak and Heart Posts
Finally, while alliances and war might change quicker than an Instagram algorithm, so would the aptly Instagrammed love story with Marc Antony. Cleopatra's wistful posts post-Antony would shift the hearts of empires. Imagine the poetry of an Emo Yoda-esque content creator, spinning stories of rivers of tears, grains of sand, and the unending vastness of both power and love lost.
So, scribe-ishly speaking, would Cleopatra have conquered the algorithm? Of course. She would have sat as queen of the digital realm, dangling humorous, profound and perpetually engaging content upon her followers. And like any territory she graced, her influence over those digital dunes would endure long after the sands had shifted.
