Gather round, dear readers, as we embark on perhaps our most audacious "what if?" yet. Imagine if the ancient Egyptians, those illustrious pioneers of architecture and culture, had unlocked the power of modern day smartphones. Would pharaohs have swapped their sceptres for touchscreens? Would the enigmatic pyramids have been marred with selfies? Let’s timewarp ourselves back to the land of sand and sphinxes, and let the fun begin!
The Pharaoh's Facebook
Picture this: Pharaoh Ramses II lounging on his golden throne, one eye on his kingdom, the other on his recently updated Facebook page. His status, of course, reads nothing less than “I am the greatest ruler, bask in my eternal glory! #FeelingGodly”. As notifications from likes and shares flood in from subjects and sycophants alike, our divine ruler contemplates hosting a live event around the Sphinx for his ever-growing follower count. Instead of pyramids, perhaps legacies would be measured in scrolls through the newsfeed.
But the social media antics wouldn’t stop at Ramses. Cleopatra would no doubt master the art of Instagram, with expertly curated snapshots of her elaborate eyeliner flicks and opulent banquets. Move over influencers, the OG selfie queen knows how it’s done.
Mummy Memes & Sarcophagus Snapchat
One must consider the inevitable rise of mummy memes, because who doesn’t enjoy a dose of hieroglyphic humour? Imagine the workers on the grand projects taking snaps of their granite-scribing efforts with Instagram stories, naturally adorned with the latest cat filter. “When your boss tells you the pyramid isn’t going get build by itself,” quips one labourer, slyly snapping a Snapchat story surrounded by his chiselling crew.
Snapchat would be all the rage in the Valley of the Kings with its ethereal filters. A sarcophagus unveiling could become a dig site spectacle, trending under #TombOpening. Potentially squabbling pharaohs could decide their destinies via viral challenges: “Osiris says eat this!”
Email Etiquette on the Nile
Forget sending a papyrus note on the back of a slow camel. The Nile would’ve seen a flurry of emails, buzzing with the back-and-forth of bureaucratic banter. Missives to and from the gods could become CC’d conversations, allowing everyone to peek into the divine inbox. Even the great plague creatures, shifted from scroll to spam, are an unfortunate click away on crowded server clouds.
Heads of state might grimace at the thought of setting their phone to ‘silent’ during ceremonious rites – those Nile notifications just don’t stop!
Google It, Giza
But what about construction, perhaps the most formidable feat of Egyptian zenith? A simple Google search on "How to Build a Pyramid" would make Cheops the envy of civil engineers across the ages, even if the algorithm throws a few sponsored paperweight ads their way. Google Maps, of course, would guide any wayward chariots ensuring no naked eye spectrum is spared.
Google Docs would bring scribes and labourers into the cloud, closely collaborating on the Pyramid of Giza Project. Shared documents, divine design docs, say goodbye to smudged hieroglyphs and hello to instant digital drafts!
The Time-Bending Takeaway
In any scenario, scratching the surface of Egyptian life with a smartphone opens a sarcophagus-sized cave of possibilities. While the Pharaohs might have traded in their ra-ven scorn for some rose-tinted selfies, it’s worth pondering just how these wonders of the ancient world would have been influenced by modern technology.
Would smartphones have inspired creativity or sowed chaos? Would the banking app have replaced the precious metal exchange, and emojis outdone hieroglyphics? One can only timewarp so far, but the ripple effects would indeed cause rivers of change, a titanic Nile of technological transformation.
So there you have it, smartpharaohs and sphinx selfies. Let your imagination wander as we venture further into the peculiar realms of “what if?” Join me next time, as we dive into another timewarp tangent that is sure to be history with a twist!
