Picture this: you're scrolling through Instagram, casually liking pictures of aesthetically arranged avocado toasts, and suddenly, you stumble upon a story that rocks your very Roman sandals. It’s Julius Caesar himself, casually posting selfies from the Forum, no less! How would history have unfurled had the action-packed days of 44 BC been punctuated by hashtags and filters? Let’s embark on a digital delve into this alternate, and decidedly absurd, reality.
When "Veni, vidi, vici" Goes Viral
Imagine Caesar's rise to power not just via military might and political manoeuvring, but through strategic social media savvy. His famous phrase, "Veni, vidi, vici" probably would have been a viral post, hashtagged #VictoryVibes or #EmperorEnergy, garnering thousands of likes from Romans and awestruck Gauls alike.
The first social media emperor would have likely hired an entire legion of digital scribes, tasked with crafting the wittiest captions and ensuring his every decisive step was documented in the most flattering light. Of course, Caesar would have laid claims to the best leg of the "Classically Roman: Influencers of Antiquity" award, firmly (and literally) quashing the competition.
The Senate’s Strategic Subtweets
As the plot against Caesar thickened, it seems unlikely the Senate would have kept their grievances entirely off the gram. Imagine a series of pointed subtweets from the likes of Brutus (@Bruteforce146BC) casting shade about the need for internal Senate reform or the thinly veiled barbs in comments such as, "Some men are born great, some achieve greatness, and some just have too many followers." Oh, and those ominous 'Ides of March' would have surely been trending.
The conspirators might even have created a secret group chat, "#OperationOSTIA," (Overthrowing Somebody Terribly Imperial and Arrogant), where they could plan their actions more schemingly than any Shakespearian aside.
Endless Instagram Stories and #LifeOfCaesar
Drawing attention to his heroics, Caesar could have used Instagram Stories to document his legendary campaigns. Think dynamic Boomerangs of him crossing the Rubicon with the hashtag #BigD-Rivercrossings. Perhaps a fashion account would have been spun off @TheTogaChronicles, fashion posts showing Caesar’s laurel wreath crowned head garnished with filters that would make any Instagram influencer green with envy.
Followers would be fixated on his Stories, watching live streams of the civic Festivals, or him proving that all roads truly did lead to Rome, by virtue of sharing his travel diary through an Instagram carousel post. His highlight reel would naturally feature an album entitled "This Day in History" chronicling notable acts, from bridging the Rhine (sans any filter!) to the Gala Games of the Colosseum.
Brutus: The Ultimate Betrayer, Wishlist Slayer
Whether you're Team Caesar or #BetrayalSquad, no one could deny the optics surrounding the Ides of March. Just before the dust settled and history was irrevocably altered, there'd be a flurry of frantic tagging as the story broke, with some savvy senators coining "Et tu, Brute?" memes faster than you could swipe.
In this digital reimagining, Brutus’ eventual betrayal might have been foreshadowed through passive-aggressive posts on "My true friends say..." narratives, filling Instagram feeds, his own wishlist growing eerily precise. Caesar, in his last moments, puzzled as to why all his Stories suddenly got reported.
"InstaKingdom" Beyond the Rubicon
The aftermath of Julius Caesar’s untimely demise would’ve left the Roman Forum buzzing, not with the raucous debates of yore but notifications pinging across their pebble-rich pavements. Would Octavian, his nephew, challenge Mark Antony for the most followers? Would Cleopatra have a blue check?
Alas, one can only ponder how different history would have been if it had been recorded digitally, rather than chiselled into marble and scrolls. Instinct tells me it’s just as messy, but far more meme-filled, than our dear ancestors had bargained for.
Like and subscribe to join more "What if?" digital dissections from history's juiciest timelines! Who knows? Maybe next post we’ll chat about how the Great Pyramid’s construction would have fared with the wonders of AutoCAD.
