Picture this: it's 55 BC. Julius Caesar, adorned in his glimmering Roman armour, is contemplating his next grand conquest, Britain, the misty isle across the Channel. But what if, instead of relying solely on political manoeuvres and military strategy, he had a secret weapon? What if Caesar had an Instagram account? #InvasionGoals might just have been trending worldwide.
Fishing for Followers
Let's dive into this alternate reality where Caesar's invasion is not just about expanding the empire, but about expanding his follower base. The significance of clout, after all, transcends even the most iconic busts. With a few artfully filtered selfies of our dear dictator crossing the Rubicon, it wouldn't be long before Caesar became the envy of every influencer in Rome.
Imagine Caesar, on the eve of the invasion, uploading a shot of himself in full regalia, captioned: "Veni, Vidi, Selfie." His feed would flaunt perfectly manicured shots of the fleet setting sail beneath a Mediterranean sun that suspiciously looks like an overzealous use of Photoshop’s brighten tool. He'd have his New Legion camouflage wear tagged and a cheeky, "What to pack for a British summer" story highlight, because one can never be too prepared for the rain or the locals.
Filters of the Field
As the Roman legions step foot on British soil, it’s not just the tactical strategy that's being unfurled, but Caesar’s new Instagram strategy, full of richer-than-ever metadata and geotags. Imagine the scintillating stories:
- #LegionLife: Featuring daily life of the Roman soldier. One day they're conquering new territories, the next they're posing with a fresh laurel crown on their head. Cue lots of “What I Eat In A Day” posts; turns out, conquering requires rather a lot of calorific input.
- #RomanRomances: Chronicles of Roman soldiers finding 'exotic' British romances. Caesar himself might even slyly tag Cleopatra from time to time, just to keep his feed spicy.
- #TempleTuesday: A weekly feature spotlighting the local architecture that would be "borrowed" for Roman structures. A cheeky "Swipe up to learn how my architect @Vitruvius is stealing, ahem, taking inspiration from this" could go viral.
Selfie, Envy and Empire
But it wasn’t all sepia-toned selfies and sun-kissed chariots; there were politics at play too. Caesar's rival, Pompey, upon seeing Caesar's soaring follower count, might feel compelled to step up his own social media game. His strategy thread might shift from impressive military tactics to panoramic shots of the Colosseum captioned "How I built it", who doesn't love a petty Instagram saga?
No invasion with social media is complete without going viral. In 55 BC's fantasy feed, Caesar's greatest trial comes in the form of tribal chieftain selfies gone amok, "Look at those Romans! 👀" captions abound. Caesar sets off a social media storm, almost outstripping the real one across the choppy Channel.
Behind-the-Scenes of History
While the battles were certainly fierce, in this reality, so was the competition for likes and shares. The Roman invasion ultimately takes on a lighter, albeit more complex, air. Caesar, ever the opportunist, recognises how brilliant photos of his centurions in action, interspersed between snapshots of exotic fruits and armour selfies could boost morale back in Rome.
The reality of Cassivellaunus, the British chieftain, getting more engagement on a single cheeky "Turning the tide #OopsHeDidItAgain" would create both local pride and add an unexpected tense element to conquest promos.
Wind Down in the Welsh Countryside
Ultimately, if there’s one thing computers and conquerors agree on, it’s the importance of the post-battle picture. As Caesar prepares to retreat from his first foray, he throws a poolside snapshot with the caption, "Relaxing after a hard day's conquest like..."
As history would have it, when Caesar returned to the shores of Europe, he'd leave not just a historical mark, but a digital one too. A feed preserved in the annals of time, the first influencer reaching the corners few Romans ever imagined treading. #ConqueredTheGram
