Ah, Cleopatra, the iconic Queen of the Nile, with her formidable charm and unfathomable wisdom. A woman so influential that even Shakespeare couldn’t resist immortalising her. But let us not dwell on stale narratives of asp-biting tragedy. Instead, let's whip out our imagination and see how this enduring figure might have swayed the tides of history, had she possessed the secret weapon of Gen Z: TikTok. Let's unfurl this tapestry of intrigue, with Cleopatra dancing her way to sovereignty.
Cleo: TikTok Queen
TikTok is Caesar's salad, or should I say Caesar's solution? Cleopatra, known for her love of languages, would have deciphered the algorithms faster than you can say "veni, vidi, vici." Imagine her posting a TikTok tutorial on "How to Sneak into a Royal Carpet 🧺🚪👑", a charmingly tongue-in-cheek reference to her legendary entrance barge! No need to unroll to be impressed!
More importantly, Cleopatra would have utilised TikTok's video platform to appeal to her subjects and foster alliances. With her innate ability to captivate an audience, she would have delivered short yet saccharine speeches saying "We're bringing Sphinx-y back" followed by a transformation video where the Pyramids spring into modern splendour.
#CleopatraChallenge
Enter the hashtag that would trend faster than a barge down the Nile, the #CleopatraChallenge. Royal Look du Jour, Ribbon Rituals, and the Papyrus Flex could have taken over TikTok with up-and-coming Egyptian royal hopefuls eager to mimic the queen’s penchant for excellence.
As history tells us, she was an expert in promoting her image. With TikTok, she could have laundered her legend, painting herself as not just a ruler, but a relatable monarch too. "Here’s my balm regime to keep your skin deified," she might have said, slathering on rare ingredients that would baffle even a modern influencer.
“Live” from the Nile
There’s no doubt about it: Cleopatra would have been a live streaming sensation. Picture this, standing elegantly aboard her famed golden barge, Cleopatra lives, offering her loyal subjects and curious Romans a glimpse into day-to-day Nile navigation. Swans paddling alongside, lute playing wafting through the air, the queen elegantly casting off imperial shade at those who dared cross her.
Rather than sending long-drawn-out correspondences to woo Emperor Mark Antony, Cleopatra might have opted for a much more modern technique, a live duet! Imagine the banter, the exchanges; entire treaties could be forged or broken with a catchy song and a nifty filter.
Pharaohs' Fundraising Frenzy
Conflict with Rome was perennial for Cleopatra. With TikTok in her digital armoury, she could have crowd-sourced not just armies, but funds as well. With subscriber donations and challenge pledges rolling in from the corners of her domain, funding a campaign to command respect from Rome could have escalated a simple scroll, a newfound scroll!
The TikTocalypse might have taken a toll, but it could have dispelled Roman dominance – donations from beyond Egypt would prove, no, we won’t accept Roman superiority. Instead, elicit trending solidarity.
All the Nile’s a Stage, and Men Truly Were Actors
Though tales of tragic demise echo down the ages, entertain a counterfactual reality before bowing to eternal fatalism. When Octavian threatened with merging text and tea, a Marvel, no doubt, Cleopatra descended into online levity, “channeling” her issues, echoing that of any influencer seeking controversy.
Who knows, perhaps we’d have skipped the demise altogether, chronicling instead the making of legends still dancing, lipstick in hand.
Imagine Cleopatra, with just a TikTok hop and skip, steering a different course for Egypt, a whimsical one to outlast the erasure of papyri. Pip, pip Cleopatra! How fortunate we are to ponder such digital delights with no threat of exile to Rosetta.
