Imagine this – it’s late 18th century France, the air’s filled with the tang of rebellion, and Marie Antoinette, our soon-to-be headless hostess, is tackling her public relations woes with her trusted social media assistant, none other than Instagram. Settle in, dear readers, as we travel through time and space, with the sprinkle of a digital twist, to explore the tantalising prospect of Marie Antoinette's virtual redemption tour.
A Royal Feed
Marie Antoinette was notorious for being out of touch with the common folk, like a snooty aristocrat refusing to come down from her ivory tower-turned-Instagram influencer loft. If she’d only had Instagram, she could have used it as a way to bridge that notorious gap. No more hackneyed, 'Let them eat cake' catchphrases (which she flatly denies ever uttering, by the way); instead, she’d be wowing the crowd with her curated #LetThemEatQuiche. Her popularity might have been on the rise faster than a well-made soufflé.
From Versailles to Vlog-saille
Picture Marie, in her opulent chambers of Versailles, doing Instagram Lives where she revealed palace secrets, or perhaps gave guided tours with her trademark extravagant flair. Followers would be hooked as she took them through the cascading gardens, lavished on them tales of the Sun King’s antics, all while dodging Republican guillotines with more skill than a binge-watching squirrel evades a bulldog.
Marie, laissez-faire as ever, could use Story highlights like ‘Mint Juleps & Moulding’ documenting her day-to-day life, all while sending her armies of followers direct messages instructing them how to best brew anti-Revolution elixirs.
Influencing Public Opinion, One Scone at a Time
Her posts would redefine the term ‘Queen content’ as cleverly composed shots captured her finest pastries and ball gowns, all tagged with #EleganceOverExile. Imagine the spin she could’ve put on the infamous Diamond Necklace Affair: a series of revealing ‘behind-the-stories’ with herself in glistening jewels (next-level Cosmopolitan fundraising if you ask me).
The true genius, though, would have been in her sponsored partnerships. Think Ladurée, salivating at the chance to align their macarons with her magnetic presence, capturing every bite she’d take, never a crumb escaping her finely powdered nose or pristinely manicured nails. She'd leave viewers watercress-ing with envy, drooling for both pastry and political pardon.
The Reformation of Hashtags
With her social media nous, Marie could have emphasised causes for social ‘breadiquette’ reforms. Hashtags like #BreakBreadNotBorders could unite even the most rebellious rabble. A viral campaign to feed the poor, backed by bagels and Bonapartes, might have nipped all rebellion in its rising saffron-scented bud.
Social media breeds empathy, after all, a beautifully filtered reality often hides stark and striking truths. Could Instagram have been the balm to soothe the starving masses and save Marie's stylish neck? Consider the empowered marchers, fist clenched, bag in hand, and hashtag consciously at arm’s length.
A Block and Guillotine
Of course, things may not have gone as smoothly. Marie would have had to face the trolls head-on, irate revolutionaries pelting her feed with baguette emojis and derogations as pithy as the pitches they’d toss over the Bastille. The necessity of blocking and filtering might amplify, but that’s all in a day’s digital dynasty, n’est-ce pas?
Yet, one thing is certain, @MarieAntoinetteOfficial would trend across provinces. Her well-framed escapades and royal renditions might not have convinced all her countryfolk. Some would perhaps remain convinced her “cake-bake” sincerity was just another affectation. But with every glamourous post, witty recipe, and charming hashtag, she might just have turned empathy into empire.
Perhaps, with a little humility laced in, she’d save her neck from the real, rustic ‘unfollowing’! Ultimately, whether Marie’s Instagram antics would have earned her leeway or led her more rapidly to the revolution’s ironic finale, we can only ponder from our current perch.
Ah, what may have been... But as we till the soil of these historical ‘what ifs’, let’s remember: Instagram isn’t merely for sharing toast, but for breaking it together, too. Bon appétit and bonne chance, dear Marie, c'est la vie, even with a 21st-century twist.
