Ah, the French Revolution. Or, as I, Timewarp Terry, like to call it, "the ultimate unfriending event" of the 18th century. Imagine if Marie Antoinette could have asked, "Why aren't they eating cake?" while filming a TikTok about her fabulous faux-pas. Grab your powdered wigs and warm up your scrolling thumbs as we dive into the Guillotine Glitz and Glamour of the French Revolution meeting the frenetic world of TikTok.
Let them watch flossing!
Picture this: It’s the late 1700s, and the discerning aristocrats have barely wrapped their heads, figuratively, for now, around breeches and tricorn hats, when suddenly, "Les Misérables" becomes a trending tag. Our modern-day video app has exploded into a battleground of choreographed revolts and pastry reliefs, a veritable feast of followers and faux pas.
Marie Antoinette, a true TikTok influencer of her time, would definitely be in her element, crafting cheeky videos from her sumptuous salons about "How to Throw a Lavish Dinner Party on a Tight Budget.” Albeit a tight budget of France's dwindling bread supply. With a mischievous glint on her crimson-touched lips and a guillotine slide transition, she'd gather thousands, maybe millions, of views.
Storming the Bastille: Viral Edition
On 14 July 1789, the revolutionaries began one of history’s most famous takeovers: Bastille Day. The physical break was quite the hullabaloo, but what if instead, the angry Parisians live-streamed their take as a spectacle? A resolute rebel with a selfie stick would survey the spiralling chaos, the text overlay reading: "POV: Taking down bastions of tyranny, one brick at a time!" followed by the French flag emoji.
Every swing of a sabre, every raised tumbler declaring *La Liberté*, would be accompanied by hashtags like #VivaLaRevolution and saucy duets challenging the status quo. Every frame capturing the birth of a new France, complete with slow-motion flame effects.
Robespierre's Radicals and Trendsetters
Robespierre, the sharp-tongued leader of the insurrectionists, could have turned the Committee of Public Safety into a series of insightful, and rather gifable, vlogs about justice and equality. Wearing fashionably rumpled cravats, he might have created a sub-series, "How to Spot a Traitor in Your Commune," supported by dance challenges set to the revolutionary anthem "Ça Ira." This could have been spun into an entire branding empire. Merchandising, anyone?
The Reign of Terror might just have forced him into social media powerhouses, targeting aristocrats in video ejections from the increasingly infamous Place de la Révolution, today’s Place de la Concorde. "Robes Recommends" would list the top five reasons to support the revolutionary cause, turning the Radical becomes rad indeed.
The Execution of Streaming
The infamous events of 1793, marked by the trial and execution of Louis XVI, a massive, great metres-long TikTok marathon in the making. The trials themselves would undoubtedly be subject to endless memes or a "Pause to Think" moment on the ethics of justice by "the people". Onlookers, whether virtually streamed live or in person, would continue to propel this as the ultimate showdown finale.
Enter the drama of the guillotine, not just as a tool but as a character, swiftly entering its own meme-dom. Its name alone is perfect for hashing: #FrenchTrim might have become an infamous TikTok prank challenge, albeit a decidedly morbid one.
C'est la vie, by TikTok Algorithms
Would the Revolution have played out differently with the entire populace's thoughts laid bare for scrutiny as 15-second vids? Perhaps the intimacy of sharing fears and hopes might have softened hard-line views, or maybe spread candlelit reflections echoing in every scroll, an ageless protest brought alive in algorithmic eternity.
But one thing’s for certain, history would have had a rhythmic, rhythmic beat, framed with exaggerated hand gestures and soundtracked by "La Marseillaise" remixed into something fit to dance "The Renegade." A true testament that in any time, history spreads faster than fresh baked baguettes across the cobblestoned streets of Paris.
So we, historical aficionadi, TikTok devotees, and adventurous storytellers of the digital age, are left to ponder, just how much of our own lives, amidst modern expressions, will be immortalised among the likes of Voltaire, Rousseau, or TikTok's algorithmically arranged heroes? Stay tuned, dear readers, until our next historical twist on time and tech...
