Picture it – the year is 1215, and the hot summer sun is casting its golden rays over Runnymede. Gathered here are the great barons of England and their notoriously unpopular king, John. These lot I liken to the boy band falling out of their time – think N'Sync but replace the microphones with scrolls of parchment. Their mission? To draft and sign what will become the Magna Carta, a document that would influence the future of democracy as profoundly as a cat video can go viral today.
But what if, instead of quill pens and parchment, our medieval entourage had access to Instagram, the world’s favourite app for filtered images and overuse of the hashtag #blessed? Hold onto your Crown Jewels as we dive into this alternate history, one filter at a time.
The Art of the Selfie: John’s Drag Goes Online
King John, we know, wasn’t exactly the most beloved ruler of the realm. His nicknames ranged from John Lackland to John Softsword, not exactly monikers that would inspire, "likes," ahem. But hand the man an iPhone and a decent understanding of portrait angles, and you might have had an entirely different picture.
Imagine King John’s Instagram feed: a vibrant display of gaudy selfies featuring his all-too-recognisable crown. Picture him posting morose captions like, "When the barons complain, but all I gave was my heart❤️", laden with sympathy-inducing emojis. His followers – mostly reluctant barons and a few misplaced loyal subjects – would have erupted in a flurry of double-taps, perhaps spurred by sheer pity, which, let’s face it, is the ultimate currency for wannabe influencers!
Hashtags and Barons: Crafting Content for Liberty
The barons, on the other hand, with their Instagram ascending to the top like a precariously stacked tower of jousting lances, would’ve used the platform like the campaigning crusaders they were. Hashtags like #ByeByeFeudalism #FishingForFreedom would have undoubtedly trended.
They’d post images of rolling countryside (ironically owned by the aforementioned king) and ancestral castles with the hashtag #InstaBaronLife, rallying support for their cause. Their plan? Influencer collaboration! A pic with John's sworn enemy, King Philip of France, might have caused quite the royal rumble in the comments section.
Insta-stories from Runnymede: Capturing History in Reels
Enter Runnymede, the bucolic patch of meadow fetching more retweets than a pastureful of peckish goats. Instead of scribes awaiting each spoken word like gossip columnists on a slow news day, we’d have everyone going live, documenting every medieval motion.
Epic reels would circulate; cinematic swipes of parchment unfurling in slow-mo, with feigned grandeur. Geoffrey of Monmouth’s medieval equivalent would post a clip of the signing ceremony, using boomerang effects to highlight John's rather hesitant signature.
This feed would be littered with captions like, "Momentous Overcompensation ⚔️📜!" – capturing their meme-worthy exaggerations that even deep-pocket Instagram tycoons today might envy.
Engagement Algorithms: A Double-Edged Sword
While ‘engagement’ (that’s influence of another variety) is key to today’s social media success, so too would it have been for John's magnanimous medieval meet-up. But, as we know with all things algorithmic, such fame is as unstable as a peasant’s winning seat at the jousting tournament. #EffieciencyOverPolitics anyone?
By day's end, a story surfacing of John misusing royal funds (again) or spontaneously combustive commentary on a disputed deer park would prove to be the equivalent of modern-day comment wars or a Tweet gone deadly wrong.
Alas, Insta Nottingham
Alas, by nightfall, the country’s collective social media concourse might keenly vote on a time-honoured notion. Was the Magna Carta indeed a stepping stone to liberty, or just the year’s most overblown social media scandal?
While artefacts might remain from this digital debacle, such an alternate Instagrammed Magna Carta may very well have lain buried in the sands of this new world’s incessant scroll, as fleeting as the lives of medieval influencers themselves.
So there you have it! The hypothetical meeting of history and social media prowess, garnished with King John’s matted beard and embellished content strategies. One might scoop a smashing #TBT(emporarily)!
