Ah, Cleopatra, that formidable queen of the Nile, whose allure has captivated countless generations. But what if that most infamous of Egyptian rulers had more than just a seductive smile and political cunning at her disposal? What if Cleopatra had a modern-day influencer's most essential tool: the Instagram account? Imagine if she could showcase her reign and wily ways beneath the warm glow of a Valencia filter, #QueenStatus indeed! Join me, Timewarp Terry, as we scroll through an alternate reality where Cleopatra was all about grabbing her asp and her iPhone.
A Hashtag a Day Keeps the Romans at Bay
We all know Cleopatra as the last active ruler of the Ptolemaic Kingdom of Egypt, and let’s not forget her infamous romances with Julius Caesar and Mark Antony (swoon!). Now, add Instagram into the mix. Cleopatra would have been the ultimate influencer, using her throne not just as a seat of power but as a springboard to launch her brand. Her carefully curated grid would be a mix of political prowess and envy-inducing travel posts, making her the envy of not just Rome but the entire ancient world.
Picture Cleopatra setting her pet felines on Instagram, unleashing #NileCats upon her followers. Naturally, she'd share selfies from exotic locations like the Pharos Lighthouse of Alexandria or amidst the dunes with the Sphinx, her kohl-lined eyes daring anyone to defy her charm. Her IG would be filled with snaps of her lounging on a barge adorned with rose petals, captioned, "The only thing I seduce more than Caesar is today's lighting #RiverInRuins."
Sliding into Caesar’s DMs
When it came to her romantic conquests, Cleopatra's DMs would be the stuff of legends. A little snake emoji sent to Julius Caesar as a hint of what was slithering under those Roman togas, perhaps? Negotiating with potential allies, she'd use Instagram Stories to gain the support of the masses, showcasing her life and the sumptuous treasures of Egypt. The hashtag #QueensGonnaReign would trend across territories faster than Roman sandals stomping through Gaul.
Of course, Cleopatra was nothing if not savvy. She'd employ relatable content. Cute outfit changes via Boomerang and heavily curated flat lays of lotus flowers beside her morning chalice of honeyed wine, because even queens need a little caffeine boost. And for those detractors who dare doubt her? A quick post titled "Cleo’s Crowning Victories" featuring the likes of Caesar beside her with a crown sticker, and just enough shade to remind Rome who's really pulling the strings.
The Evolving Politics of Posting
Let’s not forget the political gambits Cleopatra would orchestrate across her feed! Her biography would read, "Just a queen trying to keep the Mediterranean united, one well-posed snap at a time #UniteOrBite". Let's dive into her strategic stylings.
- Instagram Takeover: Cleopatra would occasionally let her generals or even Roman allies take over her account for the day, leading to delightful insights behind enemy lines. Bonus content, anyone?
- Throne Thursday: A weekly ode to her favourite seat, with shots from various angles, letting followers vote on what angle best conveys power and prestige. "Which way to seize the day?" she'd query her audience.
- Polls on Policy: Unlike her historical self, this IG savvy Cleopatra would employ polls to gauge the public's opinion on the hottest issues in governance. Direct democracy Egyptian style. "Which treaty should I ratify next? #QueenPleadsTheFifth"
The Fall of an Empire or the Rise of an Influencer?
Sadly, even in this faux world of pixels and posts, all reigns must end. Perhaps Mark Antony's double-tapping got a bit out of hand or an ominous unfollow from Octavian spelled trouble. Sitting by the Nile one last time, Cleopatra's final post might be a poignant (yet perfectly filtered) nightscape of Alexandria, captioned "Empires come and go, but legends live on #LegacyLives".
Whether she crumbled under the power of Rome or faced the unforgiving algorithm of social media criticism, Cleopatra’s true mastery would not just be in her kingdom’s prosperity, but in the timeless allure of her undeniable charm and intellect. Cairo may not have been built in a day, but her empire, under the glow of an iPhone torch, could've tried.
And thus, we bid farewell to #CleopatraTheOriginalInfluencer, her legacy enshrined not in hieroglyphs, but in hashtags.
History may have been written by the victors, but in this world, it might have been streamed live, with a semblance of selfies, to boot!
