Ah, Alexander the Great, the mightiest Macedonian to have ever Macedon’d! Known for conquering most of the known world by the age of thirty, his “To Do” list seems like a Herculean feat even by today’s standards. But what if the man affectionately and occasionally grudgingly known as 'The Great' had Spotify in his arsenal? Would his legendary march through Asia have been more akin to a series of summer music festivals than a military campaign? Could his generals have shared playlists instead of whispered stratagems? Join me, Timewarp Terry, as we tune in to an alternate history that promises to be… well, music to our ears.
The Playlist of Power
Before we delve into the sonic synchronicity of Alexander’s hypothetical Spotify account, let’s consider the power of music ensembles through the ages. Music has inspired warriors, wooed queens, and sent civilians nodding in agreement, irrespective of the epoch. From Gregorian chants in medieval monasteries to Johann Sebastian Bach laying it down on forty-seven Harpsichords (a slight exaggeration, mind you), music has been a universal language that speaks to the soul.
Now, think of Alexander, plotting in his command tent, but with earbuds snug in place, engaging in an existential crisis over which pump up jams should precede the next battle. Would he choose “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor or just go with the classic soundscape of 'Ride of the Valkyries'? Rumour is there’s logical reasoning in an algorithm, and Spotify might just have served Alexander better than the Oracle of Delphi.
War Songs and Earworms
Alexander’s playlist would no doubt have been brimming with a mix of rousing anthems and contemplative ballads. Mind you, with his notorious temper, his liked songs list might as well have been a minefield of unpredictable emotions akin to a teenage diary.
Let's run through some essentials, shall we?
- "We Will Rock You" by Queen: A no-brainer for the opening number whenever embarking on a new campaign. Imagine phalanxes marching in three-four time as Brian May’s iconic riff echoes across the plains.
- "Imperial March" by John Williams: This one’s for when he swans into newly conquered territory, flamboyantly brandishing world domination (metaphorically speaking, of course).
- "The Sound of Silence" by Simon & Garfunkel: Reserved for melancholic moments of introspection, perhaps when alone in his silk-draped tent reflecting on the fleeting nature of mortal glory and forgetting his Spotify password.
- "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele: Because every great conqueror needs their dose of deep, soul-churning ballads to remind them they’re not just brutal warriors but have feelings too. Legend has it Alexander even had a penchant for leopard print and very nearly named his beloved horse Bucephalus, “Spotifeline”, but that’s another tale.
Musical Diplomacy at the Helm
But let’s not get sidetracked by the Basileus of Beats’ personal preferences; we must remember Alexander was a master diplomat, WI-FIving across cultures like no other. How might he have employed Spotify in diplomatic pursuits?
Consider the peaceful conquest of Egypt, where the young conqueror was crowned Pharaoh, and immediately faced a new challenge: language and cultural barriers. Could Spotify have bridged this gap? Perhaps by sharing playlists of Greek and Egyptian fusion classics, he might have harmonised international relations, one soothing harmony at a time.
Who could resist the charms of shared musical taste? “Alexander’s Anitpasti Anthems” could have spent weeks in the top ten. Those poor Greek stragglers who’d forgotten to stream their downloaded tracks on the long marches would certainly find solace here!
From Courageous Conqueror to Casual DJ
Now, dear reader, let’s wrap this up with a delightful curiosity: playlists as postcards. With Spotify’s infinite scrollability, Alexander could have effortlessly prepared playlists to commemorate victories, defeats, or particularly pesky sieges.
Much like bards of yore who chronicled his fantastic feats, Imagine finding playlists within his realm, curated with cunning, humour, and wit. What if the Great conquering playlists had titles like "March of the Melodious Macedonian", "Alexander’s Acoustic Assault", or "Conquest Classical – Hit That Lyre!"? I suspect his electronic elixir of exquisite auditory experiences would have turned more than a few heads!
The Final Note
In this alternate reality endeared with musical magic, Alexander's legacy extends beyond the reaches of empires. Spotify might have emboldened him with an even broader sphere of influence, less spear-throwing, more beat-dropping. It turns out that the sonic social media could have been just what the World’s Greatest Conqueror required to truly become the maestro of his destiny.
And so, we ask ourselves, dear history buffs and fellow polymaths, could the Great conquer the art of playlist curation? Perhaps the deeper thought is that in the symphony of existence, the true Greats are not those who conquer lands, but those who manage to conquer hearts, possibly with even a tune or two. Until next time, Timewarp Terry sends you off with a 'playlist', a world of possibilities, and a beat in your step!
