Picture this: the hot Egyptian sun is beating down on the golden sands. Cleopatra, regal and glamorous, is lounging by the Nile, her black cat, Bastet, napping at her feet. With a sly wink to her handmaidens, she whips out her smartphone and opens Instagram, ready to share her meticulously crafted selfies with the world.
From Pyramid to Profile Picture
It’s not hard to imagine the Pyramids as a backdrop for an influencer’s perfect selfie. Built with incredible precision and aligned with the stars, these ancient wonders would no longer serve merely as tombs for pharaohs but as monumental backdrops ripe for a Lark or Valencia filter. Pharaoh Khufu, ever the trendsetter, might strategically position himself before his Great Pyramid, tag himself at "#HomeSweetHome," and casually post, "Eternal life, anyone?" Needless to say, the Pyramids would see a spike in tourism, with selfie sticks outnumbering hieroglyphics five to one.
Sliding into DMs, Ancient Style
Of course, Cleopatra would not miss a chance at digital diplomacy. A DM here, a subtle mention there, she’d skillfully navigate political alliances like an Instagram influencer navigating brand collaborations. Picture her tagging Julius Caesar in a candid shot of them discussing strategy, captioning it, "When in Rome... #RomeWasntBuiltInADay." Marc Antony might comment with a cheeky, "I’m clearly your favourite co-ruler, right?" Persistence, after all, is key.
Stories Worthy of Pharaohs
Instagram Stories, with their ephemeral charm, would certainly be a way for the rulers of old to share fleeting glimpses of imperial grandeur. Plotting? Use Stories. Ruling? Document it with Stories. Workers hauling limestone blocks would be tagging their pyramid-building teams like it’s the ultimate group project. Sarcastic story captions could abound: "Another day, another hieroglyph," with an eye-roll emoji for good measure.
When Hashtags Go Hieroglyphic
Now, what about hashtags? Surely the ancient Egyptians would trade their chisels for smart tech to come up with some truly epic hashtag hieroglyphic hybrids. Think #SphinxSelfie, #NileStyle, or #TutTakesTuesday. With post notifications set for every pharaoh’s new endeavour, historians would spend less time deciphering scrolls and more on a marathon scroll through their feeds.
Swipe Up for Eternal Fame
Cleopatra might employ the "Swipe Up" feature to promote her revolutionary line of eyeliner, said to have mystical properties granting charm and charisma. And, of course, the mummification process could be a series of how-to guides for those looking to reach the next level of afterlife success. With "Before and After" shots trending at the top of every archaeology fan's feed, Tutenkhamun (or even his shopping-cart disasters) might just be a social media sensation.
Influencers of the Afterlife
Ultimately, had ancient Egypt wielded the technology of Instagram, the sands of time could not erase the everlasting impact of their social influence. Cleopatra, with her chiselled cheekbones and even harder chiselled words, might hold more sway over algorithms than she ever did over armies. Inspiring, relentless, and undeniably grandiose, the Egyptians would certainly have been the ultimate ancient influencers, the original media moguls of history.
So the next time you open Instagram and scroll past your morning coffee shot, take a moment to ponder: what would you have posted if you’d been a pharaoh, smartphone in hand, reality shifting beneath your feet like the sands of the Sahara?
