Ah, Cleopatra, the last Pharaoh of Ancient Egypt, known for her intelligence, charm, and political acumen. A woman whose allure has fascinated historians, novelists, and filmmakers for centuries. But let’s ask the pressing question of the modern era: What if Cleopatra had access to Instagram? Would she hashtag her way to immortality? Or would the Egyptian cat memes be her undoing?
From the Nile to the Newsfeed
Picture, if you will, Cleopatra lounging elegantly on her barque on the River Nile, smartphone in hand. With a quick flick of her finger, she's scrolling through a feed that would make any modern influencer weep Nile-length tears of envy. Behind-the-scenes snaps of strategic meetings with Julius Caesar, complete with the hashtag #ConquerorQueen. Sizzling selfies from the throne room captioned: "When in Rome, reform it."
With Instagram’s filter options, Cleopatra could add a golden glow to her images, though one might argue the Egyptian sun does that naturally. Would she take to Stories to chronicle day-to-day palace life? "Here I am, negotiating with Roman diplomats again. And again. #PoliticsIsSuchATomb."
Emoticons, Empress and Empire
Of course, Cleopatra's Instagram account would be about more than just personal glory. Picture her crafting an empire-wide digital persona. Caesar, Antony, have your papyri ready, this queen knows her angles, and they’re more acute than a pyramid’s apex.
Engagement? Cleopatra would have it in spades, no need for imperial scrolls when you have imperial scroll bars. Followbacks from the likes of "@MarcOfRome" could lead to wonderfully awkward double-tap diplomacy. Cleopatra’s love letters might well have been verbalised via emojis, an asp here, a falcon there, perhaps a moon emoji for "I’ll see you tonight." Shakespeare, eat your heart out!
Herstory in Highlights
Cleopatra could use Instagram Highlights to archive her most memorable moments. The infamously opulent entrance into Tarsus on her golden barge would naturally belong in "#RoyalArrivals". The disastrous Battle of Actium might get a highlight reel too, though perhaps with the caption "Pilot error blamed for crash landing. Cæsar heartbroken."
Yet, it’s vital to add that Instagram might also serve an educational purpose for Cleopatra. Strategic alliances could be negotiated over Direct Messages, viral trends could reveal the pulse of the plebs, and she'd even be able to scupper inconvenient truths with some speedy photo editing and the right light leak filter.
Cat Pharaohs & Internet Hieroglyphs
No exploration of Cleopatra's alternate reality Instagram would be complete without mentioning cats. After all, what is the Internet, if not an eternal shrine to feline splendour? Cleopatra's Instagram account would be chock-full of royal cats draped in jewels, reclining on silk, "@CleosCats." Her beloved treasury of cat-related puns could know no bounds: "Purr-otic alliances" and "Fur and away the best start to the day!"
Would she flirt with TikTok, posting lip-sync challenges and culturally astute memes? Likely! Instagram is only the start. Is it "Insta"-gram when you have to spin the wool into yarn and then weave the feeds by hand? Not quite, but Cleopatra was nothing if not resourceful!
The Likes and Dislikes
Still, with great power comes great responsibility, and the occasional tech-related terror from the heavens. In this age of social media, would Cleopatra face the nightmare of being "cancelled"? Would Praetorian trolls declare her reign a narcissistic indulgence and craft a public narrative tarnished by selfie sticks and sassy captions?
Ultimately, Cleopatra on Instagram is a delightful vision of a woman capable of bending empires and public opinion alike, a truly timeless influencer. Her hashtags could have influenced history as mightily as her intrigue, weaving a tangled web through digital and physical realms.
Time to #WrapItUp
Let us fondly imagine Cleopatra’s final post, a poetic image of the Nile at dusk, serene yet shrouded in the mystique of its swansong. Maybe accompanied by the hashtags #EmperorSlayer, #PureNileStyle, and perhaps most poignantly, #EverQueen.
May our feeds be forever inspired by the rise and reign of the inimitable Cleopatra, the queen who might have ruled not just with a sceptre, but a smartphone.
