Let me set the scene: it’s Egypt, around 51 BCE, and you’re sashaying through the incense-clouded halls of Cleopatra's opulent palace. Gold glints off every surface, and the air is heavy with power, intrigue, and yes, the faint smell of dates (not the romantic kind, but the fruit, although the comedically astute will appreciate the pun!). Suddenly, Cleopatra, known as the "Queen of the Nile", turns to you, dressed in meticulously crafted robes, her eyeliner sharp enough to divide the Red Sea. She gives you a sly smile, slides her smartphone out from her golden belt, and snaps a selfie, #QueenVibes #EgyptianLuxury.
Imagine, dear reader, if Cleopatra had access to Instagram. Modern technology meets ancient civilisation. Now, that’s a story worthy of staying up past midnight, charging cables in one hand and history books in the other.
The Dip and the DMs
Instead of unfurling rugs and crossing the Mediterranean incognito, what if Cleo had simply sent a discreet DM to Julius Caesar? As the original influencer, she may have used Instagram's Stories to highlight Egypt’s allure, swaying the Roman leader with images of the Pyramids at sunrise and the lavish annual flooding of the Nile, #GoldenOpportunities. Not to mention, direct messaging him would save the need for all that cumbersome carpet schlepping. That’s some serious textile strategy repurposed!
Pyramid Picnics and Pharaoh Filters
Cleo’s Instagram feed would have been a masterclass in ancient branding. Each photo painstakingly edited with the perfect filter to highlight the immense opulence of her kingdom. Gone would be the bland "Valencia," and in its place, "Pharaoh's Glow," or "Hieroglyphic Hues." Cleopatra's account would undoubtedly give Marie Antoinette a run for her brioche.
Imagine the hashtag-frenzied feedback to a post of Cleopatra lounging amidst the timeless wonders of Egypt with a caption like, "Just ruling things, you know? #QueenLife #SphynxYourQuestions." (And yes, I refreshed my hieroglyphic keyboard for authenticity.)
Instagram Stories fit for an Empress
Daily Stories would document everything from strategic alliances to estrangement rumors with fellow rulers. Imagine the dramatic stories she might share during her tumultuous relationship with Mark Antony, "Guess who’s rowing back up the Nile tonight…and it’s not alligators! #HeartOfEgypt"
The "Ask Me Anything" feature could be rebranded for a regal touch: "Royal Queries" where followers, intrigued by palace politics or fashion tips, might inquire: "Cleopatra, what’s your eyeliner secret?" to which she’d probably respond with a TikTok-style duet, complete with historical winged embellishments.
Sponsorships and Surprises
Let's not forget the brand collaborations; Cleopatra could be sponsored by companies eager to link themselves with the exotic glamour of her reign. Whether it's perfumes, fine jewellery, or fresh servings of Nile River caviar... "Wake up, seize your empire, repeat. Be your own Cleopatra. #ScentOfPower" naturally sending fragrances flying off digital shelves.
Pyramids of Engagement…and Possibly a Pyramid Scheme?
From her carefully crafted posts with international appeal to spontaneous live videos discussing the latest Roman-Egyptian pact, Cleo would be collecting followers faster than Shakespeare collects metaphors. Historians might debate the appropriateness of this newfound influence, but nobody could deny the impact of an Egyptian monarch with a towering following.
The influence of Cleopatra’s Instagram account might even extend beyond mere cultural fascination. Imagine a world where Egyptian fashion and beauty emulations ruled globally, where Cleo’s beauty snapshots catalysed a crafter’s revolution in the cosmetics industry. Perhaps other monarchs, seduced by her success, would be pressured into the social media realm themselves, let’s just say that #MonarchsMustStayRelevant might become a movement.
Time to "Scroll Like an Egyptian"
Cleopatra on Instagram brings with it fascinating implications, merging the sands of time with our screen-bound era. Maybe it would have changed the trajectory of empires, or perhaps it would have simply added another wrinkle to the beautiful tapestry of history, a tapestry woven with likes, shares, and of course, an opulent swipe of gilded eyeliner.
In the end, dear reader, ask yourself this: if Cleopatra had Instagram, who would have followed whom? Would history have been different or just full of ancient selfies? No one has time to pyramid scheme these days, but it does leave one's imagination delightfully curious.
