Picture the scene: a sparkling blue Nile, a pillow of clouds resting atop the azure sky, and in the middle of it all stands Cleopatra, the last Pharaoh of Egypt, balancing her asp better than a circus performer. A fascinating figure in history, no doubt, but let’s give Cleopatra a new toy: Instagram. That’s right, folks, we’re diving headfirst into the Nile of imagination to explore what might have happened had Cleopatra VII been the savvy ruler of the social media realm.
The Filtered Pharoah
First things first, Cleopatra on Instagram would surely have been a sight for sore eyes. While she was depicted historically as intelligent and charismatic, rather than possessing extreme beauty, with the right filters (we’re looking at you, Clarendon and Juno), she could add a little divine glow to her selfies. The hashtag #CleosOasis, anyone?
Imagine the queen establishing her brand with a carefully curated grid. She’d share #ThrowbackThursdays of family treasures pilfered, I mean, borrowed from Roman vaults, and upload endless #NileSunset shots with poetic captions. Cleopatra’s stories could captivate, alternating between cat memes and lip-synced duet reels with Antony that could rival any Bollywood saga.
Influencer Queen: Hail or Fail?
Despite hosting soirées that could put any Met Gala to shame, Cleopatra knew how to keep the spotlight on her ambitions. Today’s equivalent might involve sponsored posts, surely: "Sailing up the Nile? Try @PharaohShips for your river voyaging needs!" Or perhaps a commodity exchange: "Feeling tired? Energise with some Ptolemy-approved pomegranate juice. #Ad"
But make no mistake, Cleopatra's Instagram was not just about fashion and ancient Egyptian cosmetics, though the latter could inspire quite the beauty trend. It was a live-action political chessboard where alliances were advertised with strategic hashtags like #RomanPeace and #GreekGeeks, aimed at quelling any civilised unrest (or inflaming it, depending on the intended audience!).
Love in Lyric and Emoji: Cleopatra and Antony
The love affair between Cleopatra and Mark Antony was tempestuous enough to make the algorithm blush. Their Instagram banter could outdo even the most intense celebrity couple dynamics of today. With emoji-strewn declarations of love, they’d trade comments like “U are the pyramid of my life 💔🏺” and “Couldn't walk like an Egyptian without u 🏃♀️🐍”.
Cross-promotional reels featuring the duo playing out dramatic re-enactments of their infamous barge parties could become viral sensations. While Antony might share tragic stories lamenting love and war, Cleopatra’s posts would have a sass that could make any Gossip Girl shake in her stilettos.
A Revolution with a Thumbs-Up
Now, not all empires crumble beneath heavy eyeliner and hashtag hegemony. Cleopatra’s rule was about survival, strategy, and making Rome run its long noses into the sand, without losing her own crown. Instagramming Cleopatra could use well-crafted captions to sway public opinion about Roman politics. Her unofficial role as a Love Island-style influencer would have shielded her under the public’s affection, much like stepping into a sunbeam on a cloudy day.
Cherishing the public eye attention, Cleopatra might influence international affairs through Insta polls, Would you rather: "Join a sumptuous feast at the Ball of Alexandria or Tour the Roman forum armed only with Croc sandals?" With all eyes on Caesar's Rome, public consensus could help keep Cleopatra’s crown polished rather than tarnished.
The Final Curtain (Call me maybe?)
Yet, even the brightest filters can't conceal life’s sullen shadows. Cleopatra’s final Instagram story might have been carefully calculated, sharing her poignant farewell filled with cultural allusions and puns: "Oh, Asp! Are we just asp-iring to be more?" with a dramatic soundtrack to drag the most stubborn eye to tears.
In our modern-day fiction, Cleopatra’s Instagram appearances may end with the lasting impact of a fashion icon whose shade goes beyond eyeliner but dips into the realm of wit and whimsy. With hashtags that continue echoing through history, Cleopatra makes her social media mark, right alongside King Tut’s sarcophagus and other timeless relics.
So, were Cleopatra alive today, churning content like an Egyptian river, we might just find her followers enthralled in her spellbinding smile, her political poesy, and her exquisite Egyptian filter kingdom. And perhaps that, like a perfectly placed pyramid, would be her true legacy.
