Imagine the grand sweep of human history meeting the frivolous flair of cutting-edge tech. I know, what a marvellously bonkers concoction! But stick with me as we delve into an ancient wonder accompanied by a voice that's heard through every iPhone. Yes, dear readers, we're going to explore what might have happened if Cleopatra, the original influencer, had her very own Siri sitting smugly in her palm. "Can you handle a queen?" Siri might cheekily ask. Spoiler alert: History’s going to need more than a few updates after this!
More Than Just a Pretty Pharaoh-Ce
The Cleopatra we know was nothing short of a powerhouse, armed with charisma, intelligence, and a penchant for political theatre that would put even today's political landscape to shame. Whether she was charming Caesar himself or keeping tabs on Mark Antony, Cleopatra was savvy and strategic. Now, picture Cleopatra with Siri at her side in ancient Alexandria, the cosmopolitan hub of the world. It’s like equipping a lioness with Wi-Fi.
Why would Cleo need a digital assistant, you might ask? For one, organising invites to one of her legendary banquets would be a doddle. "Hey Siri, send anchors to Rome, we've got a feast to plan." And let’s face it, Siri's map skills would come in handy too. No more worrying about triremes taking the wrong turn at Crete.
The Talk of the Nile
The Nile Delta has always teemed with gossip and political intrigue. Imagine if Siri was there to keep Cleopatra on top of it all. Siri would be more useful than a hundred gossipy crocodiles with eyes and ears everywhere. "Okay, Siri, what's the latest on Octavian’s plans?" Just like that, we have insight gleaned from the treacherous web of Roman politics.
And speaking of intrigue, Cleopatra often relied on cryptic messages. Now, while the Rosetta Stone was eventually uncovered, Siri could easily translate hieroglyphs on-the-fly. "Siri, can you decrypt my latest missive to Marc?" One can only hope Siri can decipher Egyptian as easily as she pretends to understand the Glaswegian accent.
Scandals & Snacks
Our favourite jazz-hands Queen also loved her indulgences. If the rumours are true, she once dissolved a pearl in vinegar just to create the most expensive drink ever. Now she could simply ask, "Siri, what's the priciest cocktail trend in Rome right now?" Siri might suggest sourcing some Himalayan Yak Tonic. Cleopatra would certainly be more than willing to one-up any Roman hype.
And ever the trendsetter, imagine Cleo posing for portraits only to announce, "Siri, post this to hiero-Grid. Caption: #GreatnessGoals #PharaohFlexing." Her contemporaries would be scribbling in their scrolls, "Have you seen Cleopatra's latest pictogram? Cleopatra's selfies are always Mark Antho-my-favourites!"
Dealing with Ad-vice-aries
With Siri by her side, Cleopatra’s diplomatic game would have been more polished than an Egyptian sarcophagus. Imagine, when tensions arose, rather than wasting papyrus writers’ time on laborious scripting, she could just dictate memos right on the spot, "Hey Siri, draft heartfelt apology note to Octavian: Sorry for the fleet trouble, will send baklava soon."
And when it came time for decisions, she could quickly consult her AI confidante. "Hey Siri, how do you suggest I handle these Roman prats today?" It’s like having a pocket of plausible deniability. After all, "I’m just asking Siri" might have been the ancient equivalent of "a little bird told me."
The Monumental App-titude
Beyond the palace, Siri stood ready to revolutionise intellectual pursuits in Alexandria. The Great Library? With its repositories of vast knowledge, Cleopatra could easily command: "Siri, fetch me scrolls on Geometry, Projectile Technology, and, oh, some scandalous court play scripts." With instant access to data, perhaps she might have conquered innovation as effortlessly as she did Anthony’s heart.
What a symphony of antiquity and advancement it would be! From ordering pulse salads to giving sass on diplomatic endeavours, Siri with Cleopatra was certainly a clash of titans. Or, rather, a synergy of sorcery that could have rewritten the annals of history, or, at least, toggled settings to ᵒAEgypt interpretable. Either way, it's a delightful thought. Cleopatra with her personal Siri? Now that’s a revolution decree waiting to happen!
