Picture this: it’s 1558, the Tudors are well and truly ruling the roost, and sitting atop that throne is none other than Queen Elizabeth I, a monarch known not only for her tight grasp on her realm but also for her flair and fashion sense. Now, let’s amuse ourselves with a what if... What if Good Queen Bess had an Instagram account at her fingertips?
A Golden Age without a Filter?
There’s no denying that Elizabeth I, with her flamboyant ruffs and elaborate gowns, had an intrinsic knack for style. Typically, we’d expect an array of stunning portraits to adorn court walls, but imagine her royal selfies gracing the feeds of merrie old England. The #TudorVogue tag would undoubtedly trend as her followers (“subjects” might we say?) marvelled at each extravagant frock.
“New gown? Chic ruff I love!” Queen Elizabeth might caption, flaunting her Elizabethan finery between pithy anecdotes about foreign policy. Imagine the hype around @VirginQueen soaring faster than her fleet could sail across the channel.
The Court's Cat with Lighting-Viewings
Of course, Elizabeth's Insta wouldn’t just be about personal fashion shows. Let’s not overlook the purring Purrrr-lament of the palace: her dear cat. Imagine the feline-focused stories as she snapped “candid” moments of her beloved mouser with captions like, “When your furry friend decides it’s naptime on the Privy Council table” #AdvisorWithWhiskers.
As cats are apt to enjoy (for those questioning this with their whiskered companions), Elizabeth’s kitty might even have its own account, #RoyallyFluffy anyone?
Insta-tillectual Discourse
Then there’d be the spicy exchange of intellectual banter, all deftly beloved and feared by her contemporaries. Shakespeare might be dropping verse in the comments section, and the likes of Sir Walter Raleigh would be sliding into the DMs about “new world” conquests turned Instagram Reels highlights. “Just discovered Raleigh-ed potatoes in Virginia! #CanYouDigIt” could serve as the new culinary craze, well-documented with dashing snaps.
Just imagine the Elizabethan comment section as the vibrant arena it would become, a hotbed for theological debates, diplomatic quarrels, and of course, the occasional shade thrown by Mary, Queen of Scots. #DramaAlert would be a given! Moreover, those notorious court intrigues could morph into sagas shared via Insta stories, though viewers had better be quick; those bombshell fables would vanish with a 24-hour expiry.
“Sponsorships” and Royal Relationship Status
Just as we have influencers today, Elizabeth might have made the most out of Insta-advertising and collaborations too. Try picturing those monochrome sponsored posts endorsing Tudor Cologne, “For the bold who dare wear the crown fragrance.” Contemporary fashion houses would no doubt clamber for a piece of such a history-making marketing coup.
Meanwhile, if ever there were rocky relationships for our bachelor queen, who was famously married to her country, the subtle switch of a bio to “It’s complicated with Phillip in Spain” would be one for the gossip mill.
The Gloriana Effect
All jesting aside, Elizabeth's hypothetical Instagram would provide a vibrant lens into one of history's most celebrated reigns. Her widespread influence, charismatic rule, and ability to adapt all would have made @VirginQueen the verified monarch of more than just England’s hearts.
Perhaps having the world watch would’ve only added pressure to her position, though I suspect “pressure” wasn’t a term Elizabeth ran from. After all, there’s quite the ring to Gloriana: Cunningly captured in 16th-century hues, and who’s to say she wouldn’t have slayed that digital sphere just like she did her terrestrial one?
In the end, while an @VirginQueen account might not rewrite the annals of history, it’s a whimsical dive into how today’s tech twists and turns could play with the past. And as always, it leaves us pondering, “What would Elizabeth I’s Stories have altered in the scrolls of time?”
