Ah, the Great Fire of London! The calamity that roasted half of the capital in 1666 while simultaneously offering the city a chance at urban renewal, sans the dreaded cheese warehouses and overcrowded wooden shanties. Let's rewind to this fiery spectacle and imagine how the event might have played out if TikTok was at everyone's fingertips.
Charles II: The Original TikTok Influencer
King Charles II had a reputation for charisma and charm – the kind of chap who could turn a royal decree into a jolly good time. Imagine his Majesty recording a TikTok in the aftermath of the fire, lip-syncing to the popular tune of the day, his long curls bouncing as he flicked a mop of dust off his shoulder.
"Check out this glowing cityscape, and no, I don't mean the artisanal candle stalls at Covent Garden!" he'd quip, expertly flicking the sparkling embers from off his cherished lace cuffs in such a way that would easily rack up the likes. Charles's hashtags? #LondonIsBurning #NotJustSconesAndTea #MustTryHarderOnFireBrigades
The Night Watchmen Turned Content Creators
Imagine, if you will, the frantic Night Watchmen, pikes in one hand, phones in the other, narrating events as fire-dancers in charred courtyards. Their 'day in the life' videos would trend for showcasing their valiant yet slightly futile attempts at combating the approaching wall of flames.
In their best efforts to keep up with popular TikTok trends, we might see them participate in the 'bucket challenge', albeit with less satisfactory results than our modern ice-cold endeavours. They’d share footage of water splashing onto the fire only for it to laugh back with a flaming cackle – the fire wasn't going out for any event, let alone a TikTok challenge!
Samuel Pepys, London’s Very Own Influencer Historian
Now, here's a chap who would seize the opportunity to diary daily on TikTok! Samuel Pepys, who, instead of putting pen to paper, could be updating his followers with real-time fire chronicles such as "Day 2: London's still burning! I'm off to bury my parmesan cheese for safekeeping 🚨🔥🐭" A savvy social strategist, he’d know precisely when to dramatically pause his updates for maximum impact.
With his signature dramatic flair, Pepys could upload a video reaction as the blaze melts cheese wheels in the inferno, his face one of mock horror, swiftly edited into a montage of spicy reactions and commentary on London’s smelly fate.
Firefighting: The Tourist Attraction
TikTok would turn regular folks into amateur documentarians, capturing the flames consuming Pudding Lane from every conceivable angle. Viewers might find themselves gasping at the harrowing tour of St. Paul's Cathedral or chuckling at the sped-up footage of locals sprinting haphazardly across London Bridge, belongings balanced precariously in arms.
Each courageous TikTok creator would add their flair, though their attempts to direct the fire were largely in vain. Watch as barrels of ale and wine roll down the street, glinting like hope tinged with a sense of hopelessness amidst the fiery chaos.
Merchanting in the Flames
Picture Tiktok-savvy traders capitalising on the chaos by promoting "London is lit 🔥" merchandise, featuring singed ruffled collars and limited-edition charred monocles as symbols of resilience and fashion-forward survival. Pop-up street vendors would hawk branded fire pokers in a vibrant montage of ringing bells and timely sales pitches: "Get 'em whilst they're hot! Quite literally!"
Meanwhile, an entrepreneurial baker might film a comedic slapstick escapade of saving their loaves, balancing them precariously atop their heads in a mix of folly and pride. Oh, the puns about buns being too hot to handle would have certainly been on fire.
The Fire Aftermath: From Ruin to Renaissance
As Lady Luck would have it, the Great Fire eventually fizzles out, leaving the videos behind as an archive of resilience and humour. London's great rebuild begins, trending under #LondonsComeback, with countless duets and stitches showcasing neighbours lending each other a helping hand, confetti of stonework hitting fresh foundations.
TikTok, much like the flames it documented, would have spread rapidly, providing not just a cautionary tale but a celebration of human spirit amidst a dance of destruction. And that, dear reader, is how the Great Fire of London could have thrived in the social age, sparking creativity and reimagining recovery in a blaze of likes, shares, and endless rolls of footage.
