Ah, the Great Wall of China, that legendary marvel of ancient Chinese engineering, a serpentine behemoth wrapping itself protectively across the landscape. It wasn’t built in a day, nor was it constructed merely to keep out pesky barbarians with a penchant for pillage. No, dear readers, this monumental project was also a testament to China's innovation and ambition. But what if the builders had another tool at their disposal? What if they had modern dating apps like Tinder?
Swipe Right to Invade!
Picture this: It’s the Ming Dynasty and the air is thick with strategic tension. On one side, you've got the Empire working furiously to keep their borders protected. On the other, the raiding Mongols, and perhaps a few opportunistic Manchus roaring to break through. Now imagine if the legendary commander Qi Jiguang, instead of relying solely on traditional military tactics, had access to Tinder. How would the course of history have changed?
First, let us consider matchmaking not just of the romantic kind, but tactical alliances. Swipe right for romance or right for war, imagine the confusion! "Build alliances, meet enemies or perhaps a potential paramour," the app's slogan might read. Each new swipe could determine the next phase of defensive strategy, "Sorry, Genghis, you’ve been swiped left", a simple swipe could avoid battle altogether.
The Beijing Bonanza of Likes
The emperor's court could have instigated Great Firewall banter with irresistible profiles: "Empirically unique Wall, total length over 21,196 km. Fabulously flanked by stunning mountain views. Swipe right if you're into long walks and longer walls." Matches would have been measured in kilometres rather than characters.
Meanwhile, the buzzing dating app could have facilitated dialogue between sides. Perhaps the defenders and attackers would be too distracted by swiping to engage in combat, perpetually stuck in endless romantic rejections or fleeting gigs of hope!
Swipe-a-Thon: The Potential Partnerships
Consider the possibility of modern-day features enhancing historical efforts. With the amalgamation of profiles, the militaries might discover potential double agents or new alliances through seemingly "innocent" chats. The AirPods of intelligence, if you will. "Oh, who am I messaging? Just a friend from the other side of the wall, nothing to see here!" Divulging secrets after the tentative flirting stage could lead to strategic shifts, merging common interests, such as a disdain for cold weather whilst standing post.
The stalwart defences of Qi Jiguang could have benefited from strategic connections made across enemy lines: "Oh, you like Mahjong too? Let's forget all this invading nonsense and have a game!" Battle plans discussed over digital chai would save plenty of armoured clatter and lives.
The Legacy of Left and Right
Why should we consider such frivolous daydreams you might ask? Because the possibilities are as endless as the subjects themselves! Most importantly, it combines humour with historical introspection, peppered with a healthy dose of speculative "what-could-have-been’s". Without a doubt, technology has the peculiar ability to alter perspectives and rewrite destinies, blending fact with fiction in the most compelling of ways.
And so, let us imagine: a Great Wall where swipes determined courses of history, demarcating alliances and threats through the simplest of gestures. An ancient battleground entwined with the triviality of our modern romance, negotiating fate with a flick of a finger. Perhaps, just perhaps, peace would have come faster, sprinkled by the stardust of shared attractions and right-swipes.
