Oh, to imagine an alternate Brit-victorian Universe where Queen Victoria herself, the very paragon of propriety and empire, had access to TikTok! Picture it now: the stately halls of Buckingham Palace echoing not with measured debates or grand dances, but the faint hum of teenage-syncopated viral tunes. The mind whirls at the possibilities and the ensuing anachronistic anarchy that might have ensued.
Victoria's Viral Ventures
Forget the solemn portraits and timeless marble busts; Victori-betts, as her followers might affectionately have dubbed her, would have been a sensation. Her TikToks would feature tea-time tutorials, how to best turn one's nose up at the French, and a series where she reviews the fashion sense of her own offspring, ever the doting sponsor of maternal mortification. Undoubtedly, there would be an ongoing challenge to see which royal prince could sport the most ludicrous moustache in honour of Lord Salisbury.
With a quick swipe, anyone could dive into the world of royal shenanigans, while simultaneously increasing their knowledge of the politics of the Pax Britannica, all expressed in under 60 seconds. The grand expansion of the British Empire? Simply a metaphor-led dance routine set to catchy brass band remixes.
The Social (Media) Season
Social calendars would need re-writing entirely! The Great Exhibition of 1851? Just another duo-lip sync competition with Albert judged decisively by Victoria herself. The industrial revolution’s finest inventors would be busy creating the next trending filter to make one's beard look even bushier or one's waist seem even more corseted.
In this realm of pixel-popping Darwinism, one could imagine the Queen taking on challengers in the "Lip-Sync for Your Life" battles, where contestants must survive solely on their ability to mimetically mouth Shakespeare as rendered by London’s latest playhouse troupe. Could you picture Benjamin Disraeli attempting such a feat?
TikTok Etiquette for Empresses
A whole new etiquette guide would arise. One does not merely engage with the commoners; one constructs daily duets, complete with ponderous pauses and eyebrow arches. Victoria’s famed "We are not amused" line could be delivered via the tersest ten-second clip, a visual disdain that launches a global hashtag: #NotAmusedWithYou.
Statuses as empire-building micro-influencers could decline or rise with each post. Imagine the routine implications on foreign diplomacy when the Empire’s official account mistakenly misspells “Zulus” as “Zoolies”. The algorithms o’er the house would quick-drive confidence or catastrophically collapse, getting unfollowed meant entering a downward spiral into the social black hole of Victorian obscurity.
The Influence on Politics
The very nature of political scandal would be transformed. No more threats of letters and leaked documents, now it would all be a matter of leaked drafts of unfashionable #WhatsTheEmpireLikeThatNow challenges, where territories play Sultans and Prime Ministers play jesters.
Lord Palmerston caught in a compromising situation after failing the #ShuffleStrutStumble challenge, and a meme war erupting between Ridley and Derby over the merits of Economic Protectionism performed as a barbershop quartet (in public detectably off-tune, but alone forebodingly harmonious).
The Enduring Legacy
Oh, the feverish festival of forced sophistry and follower fever! Perhaps the most delightful irony is that while the Victorian era laid the foundations of our industrial age, this social media dalliance might work as a Socratic satire: to ponder how Victorian prudence might pen its own vlog-worthy refrains in today’s maddeningly short attention-span epoch.
While this escapade may seem outlandish, it serves to remind us of the durable human instincts to adapt, script narratives, and, regardless of the platform, keep the sardonic spirit of history alive, blending the traditional with the modern in the most whimsically witty ways.
